The Diet Coke, the lists, and my worth
I've spent a lot of my adult life trying to prove my value. I've wanted people to see me as "good enough" to be worthy or important. But I've realized that the "good enough" finish line doesn't actually exist. I can never do enough to prove it. Chasing it just leads to people-pleasing, hiding my faults, and a lot of internal beating myself up.
The truth is, God created me with value from the moment I was conceived. He created mankind in His image (Genesis 1:27). I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). I can't DO anything to make myself more valuable.
I love word pictures; they help me understand a concept better. I was thinking of myself as a wife to Doug for the past 39 years. The moment we went through the wedding ceremony, we were married. I was his wife and he was my husband. I'm sure there was some time to adjust to this reality, but pretty soon I was comfortable with the concept of BEING (with full value) Doug's wife.
I didn't have to go around proving it by doing wifely things or trying to be 'good enough.' What I chose to do—and even the things I chose to stay away from—had everything to do with acting from my value and identity as Doug's wife. I wasn't trying to prove myself so he would finally accept me; I was already accepted, and we lived from that place of value. That brings so much peace and joy instead of striving and stress.
What if I could believe that about myself as a whole person? Believe that I was created with full value in the image of God. I have access to all that the God of the universe has. I get to go and do the things He has called me to do and prepared for me (Ephesians 2:10). What if I wasn't striving to prove myself to everyone around me? What would that look like today?
Slowing down this past month has challenged this idea of my value. When I'm trying to prove my value, I want to be productive. I want a list and to check off everything; that way I can feel good about myself. But God has challenged me to look to HIM for my value and to receive it before I go out into the world. He's challenging my "crutches"—those things I do that prop me up to FEEL good about myself, like lists, comfort, and Diet Coke. He's calling me back to the basics of finding my identity in Him.
What pops into your mind when you think of trying to prove your value? What does it look like for you? Where is God calling you back to the basics, to receive His love and identity before going and doing?
I'd love to hear.