The monk told me not to be productive

I am still reflecting on my silent retreat last week. I spent four nights at the Abbey of Gethsemani in Bardstown, KY. It was both refreshing and challenging. I have done several silent retreats in the past, but this was by far the longest, and it can feel daunting to step into that much silence.

To quell the fears of “What in the world am I going to do for FOUR days?!?”, I showed up with a safety net: lots of books, a craft project, journals, and devotionals. Anything I could think of to fill the time, I brought. I felt “Ready.”

But a beautiful thing happened on the first evening. We met with a monk who explained what the week could look like. He encouraged us not to come with an agenda, not to try to be “productive,” and not to try to fix ourselves or our broken relationships. Instead, he told us to simply let God love us. What?? That sounded too easy. But it also sounded so welcoming. My anxious, tired body embraced the idea, and I kept coming back to that thought throughout the retreat.

The main way I tried to let God love me was by asking Him what He wanted me to do at any given time. Sometimes He would guide me to attend one of the seven services the monks hold each day. Sometimes He guided me to take a hike on the beautiful property. And sometimes, He would just ask me what I wanted to do—and then we would do that thing together. (This apparently included taking five naps over the four days!) It was sweet, and I felt truly seen.

I didn't have any earth-shattering revelations, but I did gain clarity on a few things I brought to Him: losing beauty as I grow older, showing up in my business from a place of peace rather than striving, and how to better love my “neighbor.”

I'm curious—where in your life are you currently trying to "fix" things? What would it feel like to just let yourself be loved in the middle of it all instead?