How to Overcome Perfectionism as a Christian

How much time do you spend remembering what went right?

Our brains are wired to notice what's wrong. We replay the awkward moments, the mistakes, and all the things we wish we'd done differently. We do it because we're trying to protect ourselves from disappointment and embarrassment.

I've been wrestling with that recently.

I led my very first Women's Guided Silent Retreat at St. Joseph's Monastery. Months of prayer, planning, and preparation went into those three days. Nine incredible women gathered to embrace silence, listen for God's voice, renew their minds, and discover what it looks like to move forward from a place of love instead of fear.

It was a beautiful weekend.

But here's what surprised me.

Instead of remembering all that went right and all that God did, my mind kept replaying the few things I wished I had done differently.

I spent several days feeling embarrassed instead of grateful.

Roses and Thorns

Finally, I grabbed my journal and made two columns:

Roses and Thorns.

Under Roses, I wrote down everything that went well—the meaningful moments, the things that came together beautifully, and the ways I saw God at work.

Under Thorns, I wrote down the things I'd do differently next time.

And you know what?

The Roses list was much longer.

Yet somehow, I had spent days thinking almost exclusively about the Thorns.

As I sat with the Lord, I realized something about myself: part of me still believes I should be able to do things perfectly the first time. And when I don't, embarrassment creeps in.

But what if embarrassment isn't proof that I failed?

What if it's simply proof that I was willing to try something new?

Faithful, Not Perfect

I've started to see embarrassment a little differently.

If I never risk feeling embarrassed, I may not be growing. I may just be staying where I feel comfortable and safe.

And I don't want fear of getting it wrong to keep me from saying yes to something God may be inviting me into.

I want to keep trying new things. I want to keep learning. I want to keep growing.

And most of all, I want to remember that God is asking me to be faithful—not perfect.

Romans 12:2 reminds us:

“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

Sometimes renewing our minds means deliberately turning our attention away from everything we think went wrong and choosing to remember what was good, beautiful, and worth celebrating.

It doesn't mean ignoring the Thorns. We can learn from them. We can make adjustments. We can grow.

We just don't have to let the Thorns steal the joy of the Roses.

So today, I'm choosing to remember the Roses.

Maybe you need to do the same.

Grab a piece of paper or your journal and make two columns: Roses and Thorns.

Write down what went well. Celebrate it. Thank God for it.

Then write down what you'd like to do differently next time. Learn from it—but don't live there.

Because growth doesn't require perfection.

It requires being willing to try, learn, renew your mind, and keep moving forward.