The “I’m fine” trap.

"I'm fine."

How often do you hear yourself say that when someone asks how you’re doing?

To be honest, that question is a bit of a pet peeve of mine. It’s often asked as a reflex, and we respond with a reflex: "Fine." We say it because we don't want to burden others, or because we think it's the "correct" answer.

But when I envision myself saying "I'm fine," I see resignation. Life is okay, but I’m scared to look for more. Life is good, so I feel like I shouldn't complain—even if I'm not actually happy.

When we think "I’m fine" while feeling resigned or resentful, our bodies feel the weight of it. For many of us, that heavy feeling has become so familiar it feels like our "normal" emotional state. We carry it around and it weighs us down, sapping our energy.

I love to ask my clients (and myself): What if there’s more?

What if there’s more than just "fine"? What would it take for you to truly believe you are content, or even great? Those feelings are closer than you think; we just haven't "cultivated" them yet.

Our brains are powerful. Long-held beliefs are like superhighways—fast, easy, and obstacle-free. These thoughts are easy to access because we've practiced them so much. A new, healthier thought feels like hacking through a jungle with a machete. It takes work and energy to clear that path, but it's so worth it.

But the more you walk that new path, the clearer it gets. You gain momentum and energy. Eventually, the old "resignation" superhighway starts to crumble from lack of use. It becomes overgrown and unfamiliar.

I’m ready to move from "I’m fine" to "You know what? I’m really good." Not because my life is perfect, but because I’m willing to do the work to believe what God says about me. I want to live in the reality of His promises and feel that confidence and optimism in my body. That energy is what allows us to live out the 2nd greatest commandment - To love our neighbors as ourselves.

I’d love to hear from you:

What is your "reflex" answer when someone asks how you are?

What would you like it to be?

What promise can you cling to today to start clearing that new path?